Competition: Part 2
Competition…Ugh.
Pause. Think of your reaction to the word: Competition. How would you describe it?
In my previous blog, I defined competition as internal improvement rather than external evaluation. Competition is about challenging yourself to become the best you are capable of becoming in each given moment. Unfortunately, this positive definition of competition is quite the opposite of how many view it.
After discussions with my friends, peers and coworkers, I found that the word ‘competition’ typically elicits a negative reaction. In fact, the overwhelmingly popular adjectives used to describe ‘competition’ were the following:
Judgement
Comparison
These very blunt words don’t sound very supportive or encouraging. In fact, the hidden meanings nestled behind ‘competition’ evoke feelings of self-doubt, hesitancy, and negative self-worth. This is quite the opposite of my definition of competition, which revolves around internal self-growth.
So, how are young girls supposed to embrace competition when it generates such negative feelings? In particular, how do young women learn to navigate competition in a healthy manner when society encourages extreme comparison and blasts false narratives on social media every moment of the day?
Young Female Social Dilemmas
As a female, I have lived similar experiences as most young women today. In high school and college, my perception of competition with other young women centered around the following:
Young women oftentimes compete against each other — not in support of each other.
It felt like every day of high school and college was filled with an exhaustive exchange of negative competition. From the number of social media followers, to catching the attention of guys, to judging height, weight and fashion, athletic accolades…so much of life was centered around comparison.
My self-worth was tied to my external outlook. The more Instagram followers I had, the more important I was. The more socially popular I was, the more significant I was. The smaller physique I carried and the cooler I dressed made my self-worth increase. The more awards I garnered, the more valued I was.
My self-perception was simply transactional. And, in order to increase my prestige, I had to be better than the people around me. I had to be the best. At. Every. Single. Thing.
This is the sad reality that many young women continue to live in. Sure, men undergo these negative forms of competition. But, I am not a young male, so I won’t dare try to explain their experiences.
But for young women living in a society that’s designed to constantly compare your real life against manufactured, even artificial lives, it makes sense that competition is generally viewed negatively. Constantly looking for external forces to define you is exhausting and not purposeful. In fact, it’s fruitless because it requires you to always chase the trend.
So, how do we develop young females in a way that encourages them to view competition as internal instead of external thereby allowing them to grow through healthy self-evaluation? Here are my ideas…
You’re More Than a Trend
Through coaching and mentoring, I place focus on the following two points:
Limit social media use
Implement ‘I Am’ statements, rather than ‘I Am Not’ statements
Social media creates a false reality. It captures a moment in time that people use to compare against their own realities. But the true reality is that most people’s lives are not accurately depicted on social media. It highlights the best moments (which are often contrived) and fails to highlight the worst moments. It encourages viewers to create a comparison against something that doesn’t exist as depicted.
The other approach I implement is the ‘I Am’ statements. Oftentimes young women, including myself, compare ourselves to peers by highlighting all of the things we are not. We tend to use ‘I Am Not’ statements. This creates a very one dimensional, limiting and fixed mindset. The ‘I Am’ statements bring the attention back to the self, rather than others. It is controllable. It is empowering.
I Am Not statement examples: I am not as popular as my teammate. I am not as pretty as my classmate. I am not going to the best college. I am not playing as many minutes as I should be playing.
I Am statements examples: I am a selfless teammate. I am unique and beautiful on the inside and outside. I am earning a valuable degree. I am a hard worker and I am smart.
So, why is it important to adjust the way you think of competition and make it less about judgment and comparison and more about internal growth? Because it allows you to create and define your own purpose. It allows you to develop the parameters in which you measure your achievement. It allows you to constantly grow in the direction you feel is most important. It creates more focus and joy in your life and actually creates a more expansive vision for your life.
Look, I am not here to tell you to completely delete social media. I still use it! But, I encourage girls and young women to use it in moderation and to react to the content with mindfulness. Can you imagine what change could occur if we all focused as much energy on developing ourselves as we did comparing ourselves to others? What if we redirected and channeled the competition we have with our peers to an internal competition within? Most of all, what if we woke up each day and intentionally chose to become a better version of ourselves?
I’d love to see the empowerment each young woman could bring to one another with this healthy and internal competitive mindset. Looking at life as an opportunity to evolve and grow through healthy introspection and self-motivated challenges…Now, that’s not a trend. That is a pathway to a successful life.
Do you struggle with internal competition? Do you compare or judge yourself based on the external achievements of others? Let me know your thoughts! You can email me at bella@bellabaia.co
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